Parent Network

Virginity: a Renewed Conversation

Amplify Youth Development — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 03:17:51 +0000

Pop culture seems to have a renewed obsession with talking about virginity, ranging from incredulity at Tim Tebow’s public commitment to wait until marriage, to a new TV show, Virgin Diaries, devoted to the subject. In an age when it seems like “everybody’s doing it,” voices are being heard more and more, saying “I’m waiting.” In fact, recent research indicates that a surprising number of young people have not been sexually active. “A report issued last year by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Center for Health Statistics found from 2006-08, 29 percent of women and 27 percent of men ages 15-24 had had no sexual contact with another person, up from 22 percent in 2002.” The article I read referencing that statistic has a couple of quotes from unashamed virgins…one of whom is a young man I met when he attended college with my daughter. Kevin has become a good friend of mine, and I tell his story to students I speak with about the choice to be abstinent. They need to know there really are guys who choose to wait…decent guys…the kind of guy a girl would want to marry some day. In the same article, our program, Amplify Youth Development, even gets a mention, with a quote from our program director about her decision to wait until marriage.

Sleep-deprived Teens Engage in Risky Behaviors

Amplify Youth Development — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 00:42:14 +0000

Now that school is back in swing, and your teen can’t stay buried under the covers until noon like he might have during the holiday break, is he getting enough sleep? A study of 12,000 teens by the Center for Disease Control found that 7o% of young people are not getting the sleep they need to face the challenges and temptations that come their way . Lack of sleep negatively affects the prefrontal cortex, which in teens is still developing; this is the part of the brain that helps in making good judgments. So teens who are sleep-deprived are not just at risk of performing more poorly in school, they are also more likely to engage in sexual activity and use cigarettes, alcohol or drugs. They were also more likely to report being depressed or suicidal. The takeaway is that they MUST get more sleep; it’s not just important to their performance in school, but in life. The ABC report on this study also gives some great suggestions on helping your kids get a good night’s sleep, bettering their chances of having a better life.

A Role Model for Our Kids’ Generation

Amplify Youth Development — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 03:49:17 +0000

My daughter told me today that everyone is talking (and Twittering too apparently) about a certain popular sports hero. Is he the real deal? Some cynically expect a fall, sooner or later. In a world full of heroes, most of whom have indeed fallen off their pedestals (think Tiger Woods, or Miley Cyrus), is there anyone we can point our youth to as a person of character to emulate? Tim Tebow, Denver Broncos’ star quarterback, appears to be a public figure who has the maturity and strength to be who he is, even when ridiculed. He stands pretty boldly for his values, including his commitment to abstinence. If your son (or daughter) is looking for a mature role model, steer them toward Tim Tebow, who answered a reporter’s question (see this YouTube link), “Are you saving yourself for marriage,” with a clear “Yes.” He acknowledged how “shocking” this was, but seemed to be quite comfortable in his skin, as he publicly made a stand for abstinence. May our children have the courage to make good choices, without embarrassment, like Tim Tebow.

What does it take to resist peer pressure?

Amplify Youth Development — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 04:08:53 +0000

What kind of boy or girl resists peer pressure? And how can I get one of THOSE kids?

All joking aside, there is some indication that a child who is comfortable “negotiating” with his or her mother, one who stands up for his or her views in the family, might be good at asserting him or herself in a peer pressure situation. The study found that “teens that were best able to resist peer pressure were those who openly expressed their views with their mom. These teens also used reasonable arguments instead of whining or using insults to influence their mother’s opinion on common issues, such as grades, household rules, money and chores.” So, the next time you’re weary of the child who seems to be wearing you down with arguments, remember that your little debater may also be taking those reasoning skills into social situations where resisting risky behavior is critical to his or her well-being.

Your Child and the Pain of Rejection

Amplify Youth Development — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 21:36:25 +0000

As parents, we will almost certainly watch our children experience the pain of social rejection, either by friends, or by a boyfriend or girlfriend. There are two pitfalls to watch out for as a parent. One is that we will internalize it, and empathize so deeply that we will have sleepless nights, or worse, interfere in the relationship (I hate to admit this, but my observation is that moms seem to struggle more with this). The other is that we will miss the pain that they are experiencing. I once missed an opportunity to support my child when her friend died, because I didn’t realize how close she and this girl had become. I regret that I wasn’t there for her more at the time. Or we might be tempted to dismiss or minimize the hurt. “Oh, there are other better guys out there for you.” “She didn’t really appreciate what a great guy you are anyway.” A fascinating study found that “feelings of social rejection activate regions of the brain that are involved in physical pain sensation….” In other words, emotional pain “hurts” like physical pain. The researchers also ”point out that the findings affirm the wisdom of cultures around the world that use the same language—words like ‘hurt’ and ‘pain’—to describe the experience of both physical pain and social rejection.” The best thing we can do when our child is experiencing the intense pain of rejection is to lend a sympathetic ear. We need to show our love and support by listening and by understanding that the pain, even though we know it won’t last forever, is quite real to our son or daughter.

Sexual Harassment Common Among Teens

Amplify Youth Development — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 06:35:47 +0000

A new survey of almost 2,000 middle and high school students found that “56 percent of the girls and 40 percent of the boys said they had experienced at least one incident of sexual harassment during the school year.” And that’s just one 9-month school year. It isn’t unreasonable to assume that over a period of 6 or 7 years (middle school and high school) virtually all of our teens experience sexual harassment in some form. What does this harassment look like? It could be anything from physical groping, to crude comments, to being confronted with unwanted sexual images, to being the subject of unwelcome sexual rumors.

The article discussing the research also included the report’s recommendation that ”all schools should create a sexual-harassment policy and make sure it is publicized and enforced. It said schools must ensure that students are educated about what their rights are…with special attention paid to encouraging girls to respond assertively to harassment since they are targeted more often than boys.” The students themselves wished that there were a way to anonymously report incidents of sexual harassment. A proactive step that you as a parent could take, might be to call your student’s school to see if any policies or procedures are in place to handle incidents of sexual harassment…and to find out if the students are both educated about their rights, and informed about how to report such incidents.

One Reason STDs are Spreading Among Teens

Amplify Youth Development — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 06:29:29 +0000

I can just hear the wheels turning in the minds of kids who have just been seriously unsettled by the revelation that about 1 out of 4 sexually active teens will get an STD by the time they graduate high school. Occasionally someone will ask what the others are thinking: ”But what if its the first time for both of them?” I give an honest answer, “Well, then they can’t get an STD.” But then I follow up with a couple of questions: ”How do you know it’s someone’s first time…for SURE? Do you think people ever lie about their sexual pasts?” Sometimes they even figure that if the other person has only had one previous partner, that’s not too bad, and surely doesn’t pose much of a risk.

Many youth, and adults, assume that it’s a small group of promiscuous teens who are out there spreading nasty diseases, but that doesn’t appear to be an accurate analysis of what’s really going on. A study of sexual encounters at a midwestern high school showed a long chain linking many of the students. ”Of about 1,000 students at the school, 832 were interviewed and asked to identify their sexual and romantic partners over the previous 18 months. Just more than half reported having sexual intercourse…. Of all the pairings, 63 involved two students who had not partnered with anyone else.” The article concluded that “Sharing of partners was rare, but many students were indirectly linked through one partner to another and another.” Can you get an STD the first time you are sexually active? You bet. This study clearly has implications for the spread of disease, and is another reason why an abstinence message is all the more critical to the health and well-being of our children.

Signs of Trouble in Facebook Posts

Amplify Youth Development — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 20:14:28 +0000

After I wrote about Facebook etiquette last week, a reader sent us a link to a great article that I just had to share. This article alerts us to “10 Scary Facebook Status Updates” that might indicate our child is in trouble, emotionally or socially. We know that “drama” could be our teen’s middle name at times, but there are some comments that we need to take seriously…and explore what is behind them.

Facebook Etiquette for Parents

Amplify Youth Development — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 20:15:17 +0000

I could have used the advice in this short article when navigating how to be a Facebook friend to my daughters. I’ve made a few mistakes mentioned there, like tagging my daughter in pictures, not realizing they then automatically appear in her profile. I also have had comments removed before…though I’m not entirely sure what my offense was. In my defense, I did wait for my daughter’s last boyfriend to friend ME, rather than friending him first. So parents, do you have the courage to find out what blunders you’ve already made, and how to keep in the loop by being a good Facebook friend?

Can teens multitask?

Amplify Youth Development — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 22:52:27 +0000

You would think, the way that they juggle cell phones, internet and TV…all while doing homework, that the answer would be “Yes.” But if you were wondering how it is that they can’t both clear the dishes AND remember to take the laundry up the stairs (while walking right around the basket), you might say “No.”

The actual answer is closer to “No,” but it really depends on your son’ or daughter’s age. An interesting study, linked right here, sheds some light on what’s going on in teen brain development, and when we can expect things to get better. The article says, “The ability to remember multiple bits of information developed through age 13 to 15, the study found. But strategic self-organized thinking, the type that demands a high level of multi-tasking skill, continues to develop until ages 16 to 17.” No answers, though, on how to manage parental frustration while we are waiting!